One Brain, Two Minds

(Or, Why There Are Two Frameworks)

Within each brain are two separate minds, the right and the left sides of the cortex. The sides are like two computers given the same information, but are programmed to process the information in different ways. Whichever mind can best deal with any situation is the one that assumes control of our behavior. If the side dealing with the problem is ineffective, the other side can take control.

Verbal on the left. The left side serves as our verbal interpreter since it controls spoken language. This is where we "verbally think" to ourselves and store verbal memories.

Emotional on the right. Among other functions, the right back side stores emotional memories. The right side determines how we feel emotionally in response to situations. The right front side stores memories of learned emotional behavior, determining how we emotionally express ourselves, largely comprising our "personality."

This amazing two-mind design explains how we can logically, verbally think one way about a situation, but emotionally feel differently about the same situation. It is this "thinking-feeling conflict" that leads to relationship difficulties.

Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative. All people at all times seek to experience positive emotions (e.g., happiness, joy, contentment) and escape or avoid negative emotions (e.g., hurt, anxiety, fear, sadness). Applying this universal emotional quest to the two minds design (with its inherent think-feel conflict) helps us understand how people express set patterns of relationship behaviors.

Storage begins early. Even as infants, we begin storing verbal memories on the left side and emotional memories on the right. Verbal memories associated with our native language remain with us for the rest of our lives. Likewise, emotional memories remain with us for the rest of our lives. Both positive and negative memories tied to certain situations are activated any time we engage in a similar activities. For example, one spouse has positive experiences tied to dancing and the other has only negative experiences. Upon going dancing each individuals emotional memories are stimulated, positive feelings for one and negative for the other.

Developing a coping framework in families. Early in life, we begin developing one of two response patterns to maximizing positive/minimizing negative emotions in relationships, based on which framework works best in our own environment. Even in adulthood, how we feel and respond emotionally is similar, since these memories remain. It is similar to learning a foreign language as a teen or adult. With a great deal of effort and practice, we may become fluent in the new language, but we never forget our native language. We will always communicate best in our native language. We may later learn new emotional responses, but our earlier emotional responses are still the most natural.

Positive coping within both types. In our emotional reactions, we can learn new responses with a great deal of effort and practice, but most people never do this. The old responses are the most natural and automatic, since these are never forgotten.

 

previous page | next page